Seven deadly sins, well most of them

Day 30:  Bless me friends as it has been thirty days since my last cigarette, since then I have acquired other sins. Gluttony for one, all I do is cook and eat.  Since I still can't feel my toes and calf I can't exercise to help counteract all the badness from the really good food.  Vanity or Pride is another one, I look in the mirror all the time, trying to see how fat the fat rolls look in a certain shirt or pants.  Sloth,  originally known as acedia, which meant,  "the neglect to take care of something one should do", still having GI issues (no I didn't try anything anyone suggested), I did try my medication that the GI doc prescribed awhile ago, and then I realized why I stopped taking it and now I just can't be bothered.  Wrath, I think I have perfected this sin over the years, and dealing with the doctors and insurance lately, it really is hard to keep at bay.   Envy, I'm envious of people who can feel their foot.  So what's left,  greed and lust.  I don't think I will be able to add these to my list, for the most part I am the opposite of greed, I will give away anything, working appliances, new furniture, even a car, of course all to M's shaking head, if you want a good deal go to one of my yard sales, that's all I'm saying. It's not that I'm particularly generous, I just hate clutter, so having to keep something around until someone might buy it, drives me batty. Lastly, lust this is the one M probably wouldn't shake his head if I acquired a little of, who knows he may get lucky in a few months when I turn the big 40.  (That my friends is indeed a double entendre. )
 The priest would give me some prayers to say after that confession but I'm pretty sure I can get rid of at least three sins if I had a cigarette, but glad to say I don't have the desire. The thought is there once in a while, especially looking in the mirror.  I'm thinking of investing in a fun house mirror, I just have to make sure I get the right one, otherwise the results could be disastrous.

Positive side of this whole not smoking thing.

So positivity is not my strong suit.  I have a friend who says "Always thumbs up never thumbs down"  and to that my response has been,  I'm "pessimistic, pissed off Sherri".  However, today I feel a thumb wanting to go up, I know, I must be coming down with something.  Last week I went to the doctors because of  pterygium, which is a growth in the eye and when they did my blood pressure and heart rate, BP: 120/70 HR: 65, hmm I said to myself, then the other night I went to the ER for sciatica and BP:168/89 (I was in a lot of pain) and HR: 68, then today I went to docs, for follow up to sciatica (meaning I can't feel my right leg) and BP: 120/80 HR:63.   I realize you probably don't see anything special, it all looks pretty good, right?  Well yes it does, my blood pressure has always been good, it is only high when I'm in pain, I don't think it even raises when I'm screaming at my kids (I mean if I was  that type of parent), and my heart rate in the 60's is definitely good.  What you don't know is that for years my resting heart rate has always been in the 80's.  Honestly, I thought it was just genetics, I figured I had a high heart rate, no big deal, and at the first doc appt. I thought it could be a fluke, but now three times I'm figuring not a fluke.  Yay for a good heart rate! Moral to the story apparently cigarettes can harm you.
Okay well enough of thumb up Sherri, pessimistic pissed off Sherri still has a lot to say.

Day 21, will I make it?

Tomorrow will be day 21 without smoking.  It has been going pretty good, that is until Thursday when I woke up with sciatica pain, this is not abnormal, I will occasionally do something and cause pain in my lower back and shooting pain down my leg.  Anyway, I decided I would still exercise, so off to the elliptical machine and Zumba I went. Maybe not the best decision, Friday at 1am was in the ER,  the pain was so intense,  no matter how I sat, laid or stood there was no relief.  I did however, find out that kneeling allowed some relief, but I had to tell every worker when they paused at the door to my room that I was not praying and they could come in.  While there my foot became numb with the pins and needle feeling, today is Sunday and for the last three days I have had  numbness from my toes up to my butt cheek, my leg and foot are now swollen and I still cannot sit on the couch in a normal sitting position.  I'm not sure what the swelling is from, hoping it is not a blood clot and I'll make an appointment on Monday to see my doc, Thursday I have an MRI scheduled for my back. I have not been able to exercise for the past 3 days and relief does not seem to be in sight, so what do I want to do?  That is right, I want to smoke, without exercise all there is, is food, which leads to weight gain, which leads to me smoking, so why wait, and let me mention, I was healthy as a freakin horse umm lets say 22 days ago. No sciatica pain causing middle of the night trips to the ER, no numb and swollen leg, no lethal blood clot slowly making it's way to my lungs (exaggeration, possibly).  But no worries, I will power through and not smoke, that is until I can prove I have a deadly blood clot, at which point smoke em if you got em :)

Healthier, not convinced.

Yesterday was Day 7, completed and done.  I have to say that the weekend was more difficult than expected, M wanted to go to Wendover, which is code for I want to smoke.   Generally, he is not a fan of gambling, where I on the other hand am a pro.  I don't mean to give the impression I win, I just have no problem giving my money to some metal machine.  I digress, we didn't end up going and both are still smoke free.
 Now, getting on to the whole healthier thing, I'm starting to feel like it is a bunch of crap (or lack there of), and at this point if you don't like to talk about poop then you should stop reading.
The thing about cigarettes, which is a known fact to smokers, is they make you regular, ya know go to bathroom on a regular basis.  When you stop smoking a general side effect is constipation, which for most I guess passes, but add to that a person who has irritable bowel syndrome and your looking at a good 7 days without pooping.  As M so obviously pointed out to me Sunday, that is not healthy you need to see a doctor.  To which I replied,  I'll give it another week.  Needless to say I don't need to see a doctor, nature and pharmaceuticals work wonders for the GI tract (particularly the latter).

Surgeon General's warning should say on the pack "If you start smoking, be aware you will never be able to poop without intervention, ever again." or " Smoking may lead to death from being so full of shit you suffocate"  The wording may need some help, I'm just throwing suggestions out there.

So here's to being healthier!

Covering ears with hands, saying la la la I'm not listening!

Day 5:  I imagine a warm sunny day, sitting by the water with a drink in one hand and a cigarette in the other.   It really is  the picture of perfection in my mind.  It makes no difference to me that there is snow on the ground and it is actually cold, I'm pretty sure if I have a cigarette,  I will have beach front property and it will be a balmy 80 degrees.   I can feel the sun on my face, the mist of the ocean on my arms, the cigarette between my fingers, I can taste the pomegranate martini and oh yeah it's good.
My imagination and logic like to dispute one another,
I say that, because I hear the other side screaming, well honestly it is screaming a lot of things
1. You live in Utah, there is no beach.
2.  It's the middle of winter not warm.
3.  You can't drink alcohol or smoke cigarettes in public areas, you live in Utah.
4.  The cigarette isn't as good as you imagine, it will actually taste disgusting, and btw you live in Utah.
5.  The last time you had sun, water and smokes,  you actually had to hang out in the parking lot of the water park and make your drinks in the trunk and smoke out there, because you live in Utah. (don't judge me I wasn't alone :))
6.  Oh and the time before that, you mixed your drink in a water container and had to smuggle it into the local pool and you didn't get to smoke a cigarette with it because you live in Utah.
But you know what I say to you logic, LA LA LA I'm not listening!
If only I had that cigarette all would be well, even in Utah.
Don't worry there will be a Day 6, I really just like to say la, la, la I'm not listening :)

It must be national smoke em if you got em day!

Day 4:  Suddenly I stop smoking, and prior to quitting I really felt like one of the few and the brave (well in Utah that is how you feel).  Now every freakin person I see is smoking, every car stopped at a light has the window cracked and smoke billowing out.  In the grocery store parking lot, I see you standing there smoking away.  Where were you last week, maybe I would of stuck with it, if only I felt the camaraderie before now.   I'm kidding of course, I don't want to join you.
Today was good overall, but as I told M last night this is like a break up, I'm just waiting for the day when it doesn't consume my thoughts.  When I go through an entire day and don't think of a cigarette, when I go take the dogs out and its not painful because I'm standing in the cold without a cigarette, when I walk into 7-11 and don't consider buying a pack.  As it happens with a lost love, one day you lay your head on the pillow and realize they haven't crossed your mind in ages, that's what I am waiting for.  If I'm honest the thoughts aren't consuming, they aren't bad at all, I can make it. :)